In the world of children’s toys, there is a lot of money to be made. Masses of plastic flotsam can be found at any department store. The bright colored packaging taunts, inviting you to make a young person’s life infinitely better by purchasing the promise of happiness. In actuality, most kids today require significantly fewer toys, and the ones they do have should be chosen wisely. Aside from the multitude of fast food restaurant “toys” and dollar store garbage, these are some of the worst toys i have yet seen.
1) The game Frustration by Hasbro. You know a board game is a pain when it has been sold under three different names… Frustration, Headache and Trouble. Anyone over the age of 6 will be tired of the tediousness in 10 minutes or less. Anyone UNDER the age of 6 has an attention span of about 6 minutes or less. The game goes on and on… and on. The only redemptive feature is the pop-o-matic bubble. I defy a family of 4 to play this more than once without getting punchy.
2) Night Vision goggles by EyeClops. I don’t care how many awards this toy has won… one of the last things a parent needs is their kid sneaking around after dark to see what they can see. Is this how you want them to learn about the birds and the bees? Do you want your child saying “it puts the lotion on it’s skin”? Most parents yearn for that time that the kids are in bed and it’s finally adult time… anything that encourages the kids to stay up late and wander around in stealth mode is just plain wrong.
3) I have yet to see this verified but if this doll is indeed real, a Pole Dance doll would definitely warrant being on this list. What’s next, a Hooters doll? A two girls one cup Doll? Sweet jumping jeebus. (warning… do NOT google “two girls one cup” if you are under the age of 18 or if you just ate)
As a foot-note, i as a parent would like to remind all of you that buying toys that beep, are projectiles or contain about a million little sharp pieces of plastic are strongly frowned upon by the majority of parents. We may be forced to get you to babysit.