Today’s three ways to feel good about yourself

I am going to start this blog with three ways to feel good about the direction your life is heading.  No matter how little your colleagues or family may respect you, you can take solace in the fact that you are not:

1) A salvia divinorum  user.  Seriously, this shit is crazy.  If you don’t take my word for it, check this out.  If you are feeling down, spend half an hour on Youtube watching clips of people on Salvia do seriously stupid shit.   Disclaimer, i in NO way condone this kind of nonsense.  Parents… check on your kids cos this stuff is really easy to get your hands on and in many places, completely legal.

2)  Are you a hoarder?  I mean, take a look around you.  Sure you have a lot of crap.  Maybe you still have a High School jersey or you collect tiki mugs, but are you a HOARDER?  Watch 10 minutes of Hoarding-Buried Alive or Hoarders and you will feel like a champion.  You may have a strong urge to clean your home and throw away half of your shit.  You may also feel like all of your skin is crawling up your body and onto your scalp.  If you aren’t already repulsed beyond comprehension, there is also a show dedicated to animal hoarders. Watching any of these shows should make you feel fantastic about your life-skills… unless of course you work for these guys, then the shows might make you cut a bitch.

3)  Speaking of cut, you should be thrilled about human existence in general because this guy is part of this ol planet of ours.  For $5 American, he will write your last will and testament or whatever else you want written on his hairy man-body, and dance JUST FOR YOU for 30 seconds.  Best money spent EVAR.  He’s been the dancing bear of Regretsy, so you know… he’s kosher.  Even if you are not into a dancing man-charade of hairyliciousness,  the fact that human beings have used our highly evolved tool using capabilities to reach this pinnacle of frivolity and fun — well that just kicks all sorts of ass.

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2 responses

  1. isn’t that # 1 what Miley Cyrus took? i also am happy that i’m not her, so there is that. I do take comfort it’s true that i’m not like those people who used to go on Oprah and share their problems and sob. Why do people do that, I’d ask and watch the whole hour. Now, Oprah, she knew how to tell us how to live our lives. She’d sit there, on her mighty Oprah chair and tell us what to read, what to wear, how to lose weight, how to get a colonoscopy, how to breathe, how to eat, how to camp, how to exist, how to have sex, how to deal with our mentally ill/disabled/jailed partners/children,how to be happy single, how to be married,which celebrities to worship and put above everyone else, how to change a tire, what our favourite things to be, how to vote, how to lose weight, lose weight, lose weight, what to watch on tv and how to be thin thin thin. how will we live without that?

  2. I really did not like Salvia. Generally I’m pretty good about advocating drug use but in this case the best thing I can say is that it really isn’t my thing. Now acid on the other hand…..

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